The only things loving enough to hurt me until I relied on myself to heal.
…the body, the home, the garage, the bed room, the closet, oh the closet, the back yard, that beautiful dark shining closet, the cobwebs, the schizophrenia seductively putting his finger in my mouth, the schizophrenia’s dick rubbing against my thigh, the dinner, the depression for dinner, the shower, the cold water, the towel, the penetration, the thirsty whoremons, the Bible, that damn bible, the Kingdom Hall, the highest praise… hallelujah. The only things loving enough to hurt me until I relied on myself to heal.
I always wanted to write a book I could be proud of, be inspired by, and inspire someone else.
I was so into my art and craft I began writing words I’ve never used and don’t know if they even exist. I cannot recall if they translate. This is when poetry for me became true. I allowed the liberty of language to use and I birthed new words for my vocabulary. This is one of my best examples of speaking in poetic tongues.
Shape a universe into a butterfly then release it. Bribe the dark spaces in your heart to let you create an estuary of flowers. Pray like an off key piano and celebrate the fifth grade memory when it was so simple it was a blessing to dream and live it again. Tell the black broken maestro he is worthy of the song he’s been practicing. Talk with the instrument in his passion. Let go. Let go. Let’s go. Let it go. I never understood why crows were not called ‘black doves.’ They are just as beautiful. I never understood why the black boy was never allowed to know he had the liberty of dreaming off topic. They are just as beautiful.
If I can’t give you my metaphors as roses you won’t get the sunlight I grow them with either. The solitude you give will be the oblivion you’ll have to comfort. You’re ungrateful bouts of depression will not enunciate my definition of freedom. In my wildest dreams were my most tamed processes. Please don’t make me love you on an empty stomach, full heart, heavy heart, emancipated heart… or a loyal heart. I just love you that much that I’ll never love you again to keep my love for myself secure.
Self Portrait of… Trying To Survive is in there as well as all of the other phenomenal artists.